Wednesday, 7 October 2015
She took a leap of faith and built her wings on the way down...
That's one of my favourites.
So many things can change so quickly. So many things can change in just one year. If someone had told me I would be opening my own fabric shop this time last year, I would have laughed and shaken my head. In October 2014, I was knee deep in a pop up shop and struggling to fulfill orders for my girls clothing label in my home studio. And therefore, my success became my undoing and half way through 2015 I crumbled and didn't quite realise that it was the beginning of the end. I had burnt out my drive and my health through pushing myself too hard.
By July, I realised that I could no longer do the extensive hours of making. I was past it. Visually and design wise, I still had the ideas coming but I physically ran out of steam and there was no money to pay someone to help me. I decided one day that I had better destash some fabric and things just kind of happened from there. I might not be able to be a one woman garment factory any more but I could inspire others to be creative and try making some things for themselves.
Being creative was what got me through the slump that followed my business end. Creativity, I believe, is therapeutic. When there is no pressure, no reason other than to just potter around for fun. I'm not alone in this way of thinking - look at the new wave of grown up colouring books. We're all so uptight, stressed and worn out, people have discovered getting in touch with their creative side can be relaxing and soothing. I've never found a four year old obsessing over their drawing, wondering why it's not good enough. They draw, they believe their work is beautiful. And it is.
Up until a few days ago, I had a mother like grip on my new business. Fussing over it and worrying to no end that I wasn't doing the right thing. Was this going to work? I was stepping off the ledge into the unknown. I was constricting myself with worries and rules - rules to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes again. I kept wanting to go back to the safety net of the past but when I looked over my shoulder, the net was gone. My family members identified that the pressure of my previous business had been so high, I was having trouble adjusting to the more normal pace of the new business. I'd gotten so used to being so stressed all the time, I thought I mustn't be working if I was feeling a little relaxed.
Then incidentally someone online made a casual remark about herself and her own new venture that shook it all into perspective for me. She said "I am determined to live life without regret and if we fail, then at least we tried." I don't think she will realise how much I needed to hear those words right then. Suddenly, I let it all go. I shrugged my shoulders and let the weight slide off them. I too am determined to live life without regret and if I fail, it won't be because I didn't do my best.
So I am taking my leap of faith, jumping out into the unknown. It is scary and it is exciting. And from past experience, I know the beginning is always the most fun. You don't know it at the time but you always look back and realise that. I'm realising now instead of waiting, and I am going to enjoy it, no matter what comes. I am building my wings on the way down.
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